You often hear stories or even see it in movies or on TV in your favourite soap but always believe that is exactly what it is, fiction. I mean until it\u2019s not and you find yourself play that role in real life as \u201cman in coma\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Anyone that knows me or perhaps has read any of my posts would be aware of the path that brought me to this point but just in case I will provide a short version of my voyage. In 2018 I completed my aggressive treatment for oral cancer. One year after receiving my \u201call clear\u201d from cancer I was rear ended while waiting at a red light causing what would be diagnosed as catastrophic whiplash. It was a combination my medical team described as a perfect storm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The path to recovery has been a long difficult one complicated and hindered by the Covid crisis and the insurance industry. You all can figure which one equals complicated and which fits the hindered description.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As a family of football fanatics, like many families, Super Bowl Sunday is almost a religious experience in our home.Little did I know how memorable this one would be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Since I am unable to swallow anything orally, I often have to gargle to clear my throat due to it being dry or a chronic post nasal drip. When doing this, occasionally there would be small traces of blood due to irritation and being dry\u2026this was very different.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The bleeding began half way through the second quarter and showed no signs of stopping. I was becoming a bit concerned but was trying to downplay it to my wife Michelle. I continued to rinse away what was becoming a substantial amount of blood mixed in with very large clots from my throat. I eventually slid upstairs to our ensuite and continues starting to get it to stop. I had thought I was doing a good job \u201c cleaning \u201c as I went along in hope to both downplay and conceal what was going on from Michelle whom I was unaware, after viewing the sink I had been using, followed me upstairs. When she walked into the bathroom she exclaimed \u201cOMG, it looks like a murder scene!\u201dI continues attempting to downplay what was happening while pushing back on her urging to go to the hospital.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I t was not long before I caved and agreed to head to the hospital. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
We arrived at the emergency department of Ottawa Hospital\u2019s General Campus and slid through the crowd of patience waiting their turn attracting a number of shocked views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It must have appeared as bad as Michelle had told me because when we stepped up to registration the shocked attendant immediately ushered us into the bowels of the emergency department. Michelle left me with the nurse after a short Q&A to move our vehicle and writhing the few moment it took to park our truck and return I was surrounded by seven to ten medical professionals poking and plugging me in and bouncing around in a medical huddle to come up with a game plan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When the huddle broke I was on my way to surgery with the comforting tone of the surgical team telling me \u201cthe likelihood is that you are going to die\u2026\u201d. Unable to speak by this point I just typed a quick message to Michelle tell her to make sure the boys knew how much I loved them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I awoke to the voice of a nurse asking me if I knew my name, where I was \u2026.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was unable to speak and tried to write but found my hands would not work. I could not understand why my hands did not work or why there were so many line running in and out of me. I was blown away to hear I had been out for four days.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Michelle had been by my side non stop but for the brief breaks forced on her by staff to go get a bit of rest and spend a bit of time with the girls, Cali and Nola. She would try to fill in the massive blanks of the past four days and the parade of visitors I was completely unaware of that had come to see me and support Michelle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I could recall the details of what I thought was one night that seemed to replay like a nightmare in my foggy brain. It was like nothing I had ever imagined and it has taken me a while to even attempt to put it into words.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I guess if anyone had asked me to imagine what being in coma would be like, I would have thought it would be similar to restful sleep accompanied by normal dreams, completely relaxed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was very wrong. I go remember at one point looking down at myself as if I were in a spotlight. I appeared in full vibrant colour and I was able to we in detail how my arms and legs were restrained and all of the tubes and wires running in and out of me to bags and monitors. My bed was the only thing visible in my room, everything washed out in a blue grey shadow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then it seemed that I blinked and opened my eyes to find I was in a different place. I tried to make out detail but it was as if it were night with a hazy wash of moonlight providing just enough light to notice my strange surroundings. I felt disoriented, strange with a strong sense that I did not belong here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I found myself standing on the edge of what appeared to be a meadow with tall grass. I could make out people randomly spread throughout the meadow. Some appeared disoriented like myself while others were engage in conversation with a few couples layer out on blankets with their partners fully engaged in deep conversation. They all seemed completely unaware of their surroundings outside of the singular person they were engaged with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I felt what I could only describe as a hand placed on my shoulder that gave me a gentle squeeze. Once again it seemed like I blinked and I was someplace different. I found myself in the doorway of what appeared to be a waiting room. Although I knew I was indoors I was still enveloped by that same eerie blue grey light that washed out all bother colours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was able tho make out that the waiting room was full of men dressed in what could be described as 50\u2019s fashion all chatting amongst themselves, seated across from each other, some smoking. I remained in the doorway knowing I did not want to enter that room. I recall asking what appeared to be my guide \u201cwho are these men and what are they doing here ?\u201d. The only response was another gentle squeeze on my arm and in another blink I found myself seated in a chair facing a picture of a flower. The picture was in an elaborate antique frame and I was sitting so close that my knees were touching the wall and I could see that I only a few feet from the entrance to the waiting room.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Although I could see that the one single flower in the picture was one large Gerber Daisy, it had no colour. I was very uncomfortable but could not move. Although they were not visible, it felt as if I were being restrained.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I could not understand how I was moving from one place to the next but knew that I just wanted to return to my bed. There was that familiar squeeze on my arm again but this time when I opened my eyes I appeared to be moving through hallways and corridors but knew I was not moving my leg and everything was washed out in that same blue grey light. I just kept saying that I did not belong here. And \u201cplease just take me back to my Fucking bed\u201d. I blinked again and this time O opened my eyes to the nurse and her question in living colour.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have spent the last month attempting to make sense of it all a it seems to have just raised more questions that there may be no answer to. Where was I ? The initial image I saw of myself in the bed were correct as the details were confirmed my Michelle and the nursing staff. Could this mean I was having an out of body experience ? Was I caught somewhere between here and the afterlife ?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
No tunnel of light, no one there waiting to greet me ?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If this was a preview, it was terrifying\u2026\u2026..<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Was it all just a psychedelic trip from all of the narcotics they had pumping through me ? If so, WOW!?! That is a trip I strongly recommend that NO ONE ever take.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I did have psychedelic, extremely colourful visions for about three days after waking that I would also prefer to never revisit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Michelle had been told that they had found their way in and cauterized the blood vessels at the base of my tongue and seemed confident that there would not be a repeat of the incident.4<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This past Friday it happened again. Keeping in mind that they had said the active bleeding had stopped by the time I was in surgery, I just continued to flush for a very long period of time until very early Saturday morning when I managed to get the bleeding to stop.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This brings a whole list of existential questions for my next post.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
You often hear stories or even see it in movies or on TV in your favourite soap but always believe<\/p>\n